Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Just another one of those days...


Sigh... its another one of THOSE days... thats right.. u know what im talking bout... one of THOSE days...

those days when u feel ur alone in the world: when ud probably appreciate a foe's mis-directed attention just as much as a friend's well-directed intentions... possibly even more... when u know everyone's so preoccupied with their own world to care about ur own... not their fault.. everyone's got a life to live and improve... but yet u keep wondering how everyone else manages to stay so happy... even though it may be just on the surface...

and all of a sudden u come to the realization that u dont know what ur doing in life: why you're doing what you're currently doing.. why you arent doing something else in life... its not that youre not suited to it... its just that you keep wondering isnt it about damn time you moved on to better things?? things that u see ex-colleagues and former classmates have achieved about what seems like decades ago.. but u just cant seem to be in sight of... and then you wonder... what am i lacking??

and then you wonder why you are here: why this place, of all places... was it a mistake coming here? to a place where you've never seen anyone so materialistic in your entire life... where ppl judge you on your expensive tastes, as opposed to what you think, what you say, and what you do... where on the most intimate level people are just as unaccepting of you as you could never imagine... for reasons unbeknownst to you...

and you come to the conclusion that maybe.. just maybe.. you dont belong here.. you dont fit in: and you consider options that help you leave... no, youre not running away like a coward... you just want to move on to greener pastures.. but what if the fields there are just as barren as they are now? what if its worse?

and then you look inwards again: maybe its just better to be a bastard like everyone else you meet.. and not give 2 hoots about anyone else around you... sure, you'll make enemies along the way... but atleast you'll be in peace with yourself... saying atleast u had some fun... but then another glance inwards says the exact opposite.. you're not that kind of person... you're better than those you observe... maybe not in every way.. but definitely in some way... and that same inward glance tells you to keep going... that maybe the path you're on isnt as bad as it looks.. sure, it may not seem like the Yellow Brick Road... but still... atleast its not the plank.. so you tell yourself it'll get better... you tell yourself to keep going...


and not to give up...


and to keep the good in... and keep the wrong out... no matter how 'attractive' the 'wrong' options may seem...


so what if youre alone?? if you are, people obviously subconsciously believe you can do better than them... wouldnt wanna prove em wrong on that, now wud we?


and sometimes... just writing it out helps...


and also, that sometimes.. just Sometimes...



It's OK to be a bastard to others...every once-in-a-while... it purges the devil within...


but dont let it kill the person inside...

4 comments:

kOtAk said...

u sound like you are PMS-ing. Hahahahahaa! :) take care dude...

Diego said...

woman, u do NOT admit something like that out loud!!!

and if it really IS what u say it is.. then as a friend you oughta get me some chocolate!!1

Where's my chocolate???

Cheers!

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