Monday, April 10, 2006

Today, the House... Tomorrow, the WORLD!!!

This is gonna freak you out... I'm serious...

I found sumthin on my handphone, which cud change the world for years to come... I found out that my lil brother aspires to probably take over the world someday.. well, NO, he didnt sms me those exact words...

lemme tell u how it goes:

I was just sittin in my lonely lil corner in this office of mine, and just remembered I had a bunch of tasks to complete soon... In order to remember them this time, I decided to save myself a memo on my handphone...

Whilst browsing the menu for the 'Organizer' (little did i know what hideous, evil, insiduous activities were being planned, by this sinister character who claimed to be my youngest sibling, having just a couple of years ago reached an age comprising of double-digits), I came upon my 'To-Do List', and unknowingly unveiled a rather surprising series of plans for world domination (like sheep being led to the slaughter)...

How may I have the audacity to place the above-mentioned accusations upon so (apparently) innocent a being, you ask?? Well, the handphone I now possess was handed down by my very father to me (No it wasnt handed down generations!!! its not THAT old, u Freak!!).. Thus it happened that, one night, while my brother was fooling around with the handphone, he downloaded some of his more sinister (oh wait, I already used that word once... try menacing) plans for world-domination... Of course at that moment, he couldnt have had the slightest tinge of the notion that his very darkest thoughts might one day be unveiled by an unsuspecting character, whose blood reeks of innocence, and.. well... debauchery... namely... Me....


I now reveal to your very eyes what I shall hence-forth refer to as 'The To-Do List':

1) Buy 5 Ferraris for family and me (does he even KNOW that he cant even look over the friggin steering wheel, let alone drive a ferrari????)

2) Buy 9 Rolls Royce for family and me (umm... i know they're expensive n all, but I'd rather have the ferraris... plus, we're a family of 5, who keeps the extra Rolls'??)

3) Buy six 7 million villas with all facilities for family and me with 21 floors ( I wonder what 'all facilities' consists of)

4) Buy 10 latest windows computers for family and me (Laptop, LAPTOP!!! dont forget THAT!!)

5) Buy private jet plane for family and me (umm... cant argue with this one... as long as they have enromously huge Recliner seats)

6) Buy duplex size cinema for family and me (im guessing this is where he REALLY shows us his plans for world domination... on the Big Screen )

7) Buy 8 king size beds (somehow I'm kinda glad he didnt say 'for family and me' here)


This is where it REALLY gets nasty (Caution: Not meant for the faint-hearted):


8) Deposit 21 million in bank (21 million what?? if its rupees, then thats just peanuts.. if its dollars, well thats an entirely different story, init??)

9) Meet President Bush, President Pervez Musharraf, and Prime Minister Abdul Badawi (strange combination of personnel... they must all be in on it together... n Bush is just in there to get b**ch-slapped around...)

10) Buy 53 containers of soft drinks (he's gonna drown us all in soda...)

11) Buy 53 pizzas (or fatten us for the kill.. this seems better...)

12) Send ships around the world (Convoys?? Battleships??)

13) Visit America, India, Pakistan, France, Brazil, New York and Canada (Plans to take over the world, sure, but doesnt realize where New York is actually located..)

14) Buy 18 latest Nokia handphones for family and me (hmm.. well... he's doin sumthin nice for a change... before the unspeakable acts...)

15) Visit all of the wonders of the world (after u take over the world, u gotta check up on ur inheritance, right...)

16) Complete Carleton application, UPenn application, Brown application ASAP (Oh wait... this one's mine...)

17) Clean whole house... (Now this is the confounding part.... Pray tell, what DOES it all mean???)

Live in fear people, for you may never know when this plastic-sword toting, pellet-gun brandishing uncouth may show up at the shores of your land and wreak havok upon your unsuspecting countrymen...

The only available images of this infiltrator-to-be are childhood pictures on the garden-swing (he obviously realized the speed of the swing would disallow his distinctively smooth features to be accurately photographed and documented... Despicable, I tell you).

Please be on constant lookout for this deviant, and any information of his whereabouts should be passed on to the DAD agency. However, this agency has been known to have a negligible effect in nullifying this barely-teenage menace... Unsurprisingly, the MOM agency has been known to produce more satisfying results..

P.S. All plans revealed in the 'To-Do-List' are unedited, and have been copied directly from the list found on the phone. Disbelieve at your own peril.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Again..u've got too much time on ur hands..:D..kidding..let the little guy dream on man hehe
btw thanks..my depressing day is a little less depressing now :)
A