Tuesday, March 07, 2006

LAME!!!

Saw this Indian TV-drama last nite... for the first time in ages.. n it was like totally predictable... not like Indian Bollywood-movie-predictable.. those r finally starting to provide some entertainment..

for those of u familiar with Indian dramas, this one was titled 'Heena'.. its pretty old, so no doubt ppl wud have heard of it... still lame thou... n Astro's decided to broadcast reruns of this, most-pathetic drama ever... n on a personal note, its totally insulting to Muslims as it attempts to portray them as the most backward religion ever... im not here to judge, but i just disagree with that view.. strongly... how strongly?? i'll flick u off if u argue... neways, here's wut i know of the story from one episode:

Girl, named Heena (hence, the title.. hint, hint..), daughter in a muslim family, is married off to a fu**up named Sameer, son in another Muslim family..

Heena n Sameer dont know shit bout each other... Girl obeys parents, n decides that she will like/love him no matter what, once she's married to him ofcourse (hmm, never thought i'd fall in love on command... son, go love that girl.. yes dad i'll make love to her.. no son i said love her not make love.. love, make love, same thing dad, dun be so cheap :P )... oh n btw, he's being forced to marry the same girl 3 times in a row... innovative, aint it? ;)

Sameer's in love with some other chick called Ruby, n is forced to marry Heena.. I dun blame him, Ruby's way finer than Heena, n dresses hotter too (she's muslim too, btw.. Take THAT, u backward-drubbing whores)..

Now, Ruby doesnt give 2 fu**s bout the fact that she's gonna break up a marriage.. plz note that i do not say happy marriage here... n Sameer... well, he's the most boring dude i've ever seen... its like he was put on prozaic as a baby by his mom, n then she made him giv it up for his star performance as Dopey in 'Snow White n the Seven Dwarves'.. either that, or he prolly learnt the meaning of sodomy the 'hard' (literally) way too early in life... I'm not suggesting that guys learn about it thou, no thank you...

Sameer's dad is hands-down the WUSSIEST person i've ever met... everytime some shit goes down, its like his hand is programmed to automatically clutch his heart (or left tit, seein as he was quite a 'well-rounded' person)..

The lady who plays Sameer's mom must have the easiest acting job ever... Yes, even easier than the heart-clutcher, who atleast SOMETIMES must feign some emotion.. neways, HER job comprises of either 1) complaining to Sameer's dad (see above), 2) making phone calls to the family doctor that Sameer's dad keeps clutching his heart, or 3) Play Dad's Sidekick... at some point during the drama you realize she barely ever speaks more than a few words to him.. all she does is act as an accessory to the dad when he scolds the shit outta his son...

Heena's Dad.. well I dun think he appears in the episode i saw.. either that or he's dead... her Mom, however, is a feisty lil bit**.. no i didnt mean it that way, u crazy-a** MILF-Hunters... she can talk mannn.. and she can argue...she Obviously resents the fact that after marrying-and-subsequently-divorcing her daughter twice, Sameer is gonna marry her once more... at some point she realizes things have gone on too far... way to catch on quick, mom...

the family doctor is a funny-a** SOB himself... after discovering that Sameer has divorced Heena for the 2nd time in a row talks things over with his own son, n miraculously comes to the conclusion that now that theyre 'fully' divorced (how do u become FULLY divorced?? can i get half a divorce n hook up with some other chick at the same time??), they can be married again.. at this point, you go WHATTHEF**K??? so then, without consulting the girl, the guy, the guy's parents, he goes off to the girl's mom (see above) who, bein the feisty lil bit** that she is, finally refuses... he then proceeds to go the guy n talk to him bout the shock, horror that crossed his mind when he heard bout the divorce.. HELLOOO!!! its not ALWAYS about YOU, Doc.. or didnt they teach u that at medical school?? n to top it off, you can frikkin NOTICE him bursting into fits of laughter while discussing the 'shock and horror' that crossed his mind.. n plz note, the dude reacts to every medical treatment like he's administering it for the first time.. YOU'VE BEEN THE FAMILY DOCTOR FOR 20+ YEARS!!!! wuttheheck have u been doing???

The doctor's son has taken it upon himself to drive Heena around everytime she needs to visit her mom or go somwhere.. u can tell at some date he's gonna admit he's in love with her..

N Heena has no dress-sense... she still thinks its day number 1 of her marriage, hence proceeds to dress like an over-dressed bride every frikkin day... n she's skinny as hell.. i mean PUT SOME MEAT ON THOSE BONES, WOMAN!!! she's obedient like crazy.. i mean like a trained dog wud look at her n go 'you're obedient as hell, bit**'... actually the dog wud go 'Woof, woof, woof', but im sure the translation wud go sumthin along those lines... neways, back to the dog, i mean, the bit**.. Heena has never heard of the word retaliation... her limited vocabulary comprises of words like 'obedient', 'mom', 'parents'... she has recently learnt words like 'yes', 'husband', 'dear', 'marriage', 'divorce', 'go to Hell, bit**', 'ooohh baby gimme some of that...' wait that last phrase was someone else... my bad... neways... hopefully she will pick up words like 'no', 'screw you', and 'you can take that ring of yours n shove it where the sun dont shine'..

anyways, she's too obedient... she never disagrees or has an opinion on anything... if i had a wife like that i'd be like 'Is she alive???' do you HAVE an opinion, woman??? then i'd prolly be callin that crazy funny doctor (see-above) to check her pulse n pressure, n give her some anti-depressants, to which he'd react by first finding out what all that stuff i just said meant... come to think of it, mite be good to have a wife like that around.. honey im goin out on a date.. ok dear, have fun... n clear the house n leave by 10pm, i'll be bringin her back home.. yes dear..


Sigh, I have too much time on my hands...

later, ppl...

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